Today in 1982

21 Jun

John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of insanity for the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ronald Reagan. Actually it was because the jury agreed that they’d all considered assassinating him at some point.

Just look at the smug bastard.

DISCLAIMER: I do not desire, nor have I ever desired, to assassinate anyone. I love smug bastards.

Today in 1877

20 Jun

Alexander Graham Bell installs the world’s first commercial telephone service in Ontario, Canada. NICE TRY, BELL.

Don't bother giving me your number, 'cause I've already got it.

Today in 1893

19 Jun

Lizzie borden acquitted of murder. The axe in her room was way too heavy for a woman to lift.

If her parents had been killed with cotton balls, maybe she'd be a suspect.

Today in 1959

18 Jun

Governor of Louisiana Earl K. Long is committed to a state mental hospital, and responds by having the hospital’s director fired and replaced with a crony who proclaims him perfectly sane. OWNED.

The highest oath in the land.

Today in 1939

17 Jun

Last public guillotining in France. Eugen Weidmann, a convicted murderer, is guillotined in Versailles. Technically they decided to discontinue public execution before he died, but they already had it all set up outside and it’s really heavy and stuff, so…

Photo source: www.jeffswan.wordpress.com; edited by me

Plus, a guillotinin' brings everybody together!

Today in 1988

16 Jun

I was born. And I’ll be damned if anyone in history is stealing my thunder.

I love my birthday.

Today in 1752

15 Jun

Benjamin Franklin proves that lightning is electricity. And that all you need to be an enduring figure in American history is a spare key and bad luck.

I'm one rain dance away from immortality.

Today in 1954

14 Jun

Dwight D. Eisenhower signs a bill into law that places the words “under God” into the United States Pledge of Allegiance. They wanted to replace the original, “Thunder Gods,” but they didn’t want to lose the flow.

I'll always be a Thunder God at heart.

Today in 1920

13 Jun

The U.S. Post Office forbids children from being sent by parcel post. Come on guys, be cool.

I fail to see the problem.

Today in 1942

12 Jun

Anne Frank receives a diary for her thirteenth birthday. Awesome, a place to safely write down all her super secret and private feelings!

Anne Frank Uncensored.